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2008: wow I was so stupid last year
2009: wow I was so stupid last year
2010: wow I was so stupid last year
2011: wow I was so stupid last year
2012: wow I was so stupid last year
2013: wow I was so stupid last year
to be continued

my sister sent me a text saying “for the next 30 years you have to live with one person in the same room all the time. afterwards you have to kill them. would you choose someone you like or someone you hate?”

I have never been more distraught in my entire life

mom: ok u wait in line i forgot to get the milk
me: ok
me:
me:
me:
me: mom where are you please
me: mom please the line is moving fast
me: mom i cant breathe where r u it's almost my turn
employee: next
me:
employee:
me: faints